So, I had my HFS interview today. My very first portfolio based job interview. I was so nervous going in and even afterwards. I felt like I went through my stuff too fast and/or didn’t bring enough to show. And I was terrible at explaining the projects & concepts. Even on my Genetics book covers, which really are based on a pretty solid concept. I had a reason for all of it. But when they asked, I came up with some crap.
And afterwards they asked me all these other questions, and I felt like I couldn’t come up with good answers fast enough. I really hadn’t anticipated their questions before going in, I had no idea what it would be like.
And there were like 3 people interviewing me, which is just nervousness x3. And The Designer at the interview was really hard to read, because he seemed so serious most of the time. The marketing women were friendly, as marketing people generally are. So! I’m glad its over. I don’t hear till Friday. I really want the job, but even if I don’t get it the interview was a good learning experience.
Later in the day, in Symbols, we met with Karen individually to talk about our projects and get a midterm evaluation. She had some pretty positive things to say about my work and how I was doing in the class.
But at the end she said she thought I wasn’t very happy, and seemed kind of grumpy in class, and I could be more positive, and I’m not very smiley, but maybe that’s an Asian thing.* I didn’t really know what to say to that. The first thing I thought was “Oh my god, I’ve become [a certain negative person I know].”
I’m use to teachers telling me to talk more, but I don’t think they’ve ever told me I seemed grumpy. It’s weird cause I don’t think I’m unhappy in class. In fact, I rather enjoy Symbols. Maybe my habitual restlessness and tiredness and stress come off that way though. I know I’m bad at pretending to be happy.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about it after she said it to me. Do other people think I’m always unhappy? Is this what makes me unapproachable? Do people avoid me because they think I’m unfriendly? Have I gone too far trying to not be That Sterotypical Loud Bubbly Asian Girl? Please let me know.
I think I need to learn to relax. I let things stress me out way too easily. I also need to learn how to communicate competently.
*Karen cites her parents as being very “composed.” My parents use to intimidate my friends. The Designer at the interview also happened to be Asian. I don’t know why it would matter at all though.
6 Comments
1) am i the negative person?
2) i don’t think you’re grumpy, but you arent necessisarily “outgoing”. I remember Haley thought you were silly cuz you stayed in your corner of the room and didn’t ever talk to her when she visited. Which i thought was ironic, considering my behavior in the dorms…
Well, I think you do need to learn to relax, but I’ve never considered you a grumpy kind of person. Nor have I ever thought you unapproachable. But if you do seem like that at class and when you work, maybe its your stress. I mean, most of the time that I see you is when you ARE finally relaxing.
i dont think i felt you were necessarily “silly.” quiet, closed off is a better description. but not as an insult, just… you. im like that too.
You’re too self-conscious. Look through your diary and see how focused it is on individual events in your life. I think you lose sight of the big picture pretty easily and because of that you let things get to you. The only reason you would be stressed or timid or whatever is because you put too much thought on it. Just don’t think about it.
R: No, you weren’t who came to mind.
oh, good. thanks. i just feel rather negative compared to you, so i thought maybe i was.